Thursday, January 15, 2009

NOT HIS FAULT...

Today I am "trying" to feel better. I am "trying" to see the positive things that are going on. I am not there yet but I am "trying."
My poor husband is probably wanting OUT!! I have been rather...well...difficult to live with lately. (more like for the last 2 years!) About a week ago he brought home a vitamin that is supposed to help put you in a better mood! HA HA HA HA HA...All I could think about was an episode of "Everybody Loves Raymond". Do you know what I am talking about?? I didn't go nutso on him...I just said that is not going to work! He said I should try it. OK that was my sign that I have not been the friendliest of people lately. He took me to a movie last Friday night to get me out of the house and away from the computer. He took me out to lunch on Monday to get me out. BUT my moods have only gotten worse! Yesterday when we got "official" news that the wait times from referral to travel are getting longer I was upset. I sent him a text about it. His first comment was...we will be fine. I didn't agree...then he said something like...it will happen when it happens! Well...I wanted to throw the phone into the wall. I told him later last night that I was thinking he shouldn't quit his day job because that was the worst supportive comment EVER!!! BUT you know what? This is not his fault. This man that I married almost 20 years ago would have had this baby in my arms the day we began this process if he could have. That is how he is. I know this is just as hard on him to watch me be so sad and broken right now. He wants to make it all better and he can't and he is a fixer!! Today...I am trying really hard to remember that he too is longing for our little guy and I need to remember that. This process is not all about what I want but involves so many more than just me!! SO...if it takes longer then so be it. I will not be happy about it but I will try to remember what is really important and be thankful for those I have that can and will keep me going! I am thankful for my husband and his love for me (even when I am not lovable! :) ).


Today's inspirational comment: When the things you are experiencing don't make sense, faith says, "God knows what He is doing." **Trying very hard to keep the faith!**

Blessings~
Tina

2 comments:

Meg DeZutti said...

Tina - I DO know that Raymond episode and don't think my husband hasn't tried the same for me. Geez! I know they just want to fix us and have everything be better, but it's just too hard some days. We need to feel some control (we have none in this case) and we need to feel things moving forward (they aren't for most of us.) I GET IT!
I'm sending you and big hug. Watch a really sad movie today and get a long cry out before Don comes home ... that sometimes helps me.
Meg.

Missy said...

Or we just need a pre-adoptive moms getaway to somewhere tropical!!! But none of us probably have the $$ for it right now...dang.
Hang in there!!