SHARING MY THOUGHTS...(Extra long!)

I wanted to blog about my feeling on Christmas Day. Not those of pure joy, which I am sure you could read, but those of the pain of the unknown...
We had so many people praying for us on the 24th and I can not tell you how many told me they were up between 1am and 3 am praying for us! I still sit here in awe of it. I was CERTAIN we would pass and find out quickly! That was not to happen. I had a friend text me and say she had just prayed that we would get an email from our consultant to let us know something. I had just opened that email about 1 minute before I received the text. Sharon just let us know that she has not been able to contact them and had heard nothing but to be encouraged. When I read it...I cried! Poor Emilie thought we had not passed and began crying too. I looked at her and asked her why she was crying...she said we failed didn't we! Then I had to comfort her...poor girl! Anyway, I made the necessary phone calls to anxiously awaiting family and friends. I did call hubby first, he was at work. He took as hard as I did. Let me say, this three year journey has at times been rough for us!
I had planned on going to Christmas Eve service at our Church but Don said the roads were really icy and the ice was still coming down. SO...I told Em we were not going to be able to go and she was very sad about that. (Emotional Day!!) I was looking forward to it as well. I knew it would help me get in the mood I needed to be in...the real reason for Christmas! But a few minutes after I made the announcement, one of our elders called and informed us it had been cancelled due to the weather. SO...the guys made it home from work and we did our traditional tacos and watched A Christmas Story (You'll shoot your eye out!) Don then went and got our oldest at work and she stayed the night. We read the Nativity before we all headed to bed.
I woke up at 3 am Christmas morning and I walked through the house a few times...I prayed that God would give me peace for the day. I was so sad and I did not want to ruin the kids' Christmas. (This is the 3rd year I have done this!) After that I woke about every 30 minutes and laid in bed and prayed the same thing over and over again. Then at 6 am I decided to check the email before everyone got up. NOTHING-I laid back down and prayed and cried! I just knew we were going to see our Christmas miracle this year and yet...it sure did not look like it at this point. The kids were up at 7 and we began opening gifts. At one point a comment was made that I was too tired and shouldn't have been up all night! I lost and it and started really crying! My kids gathered around their "crazy" mom and just held me. I knew I had to get it together for their sakes if not for anyone else!
By 930 I had probably check our email 20 times. (in between fixing breakfast and cleaning up)Finally, I decided to shower get ready to head to my in laws. As I showered I prayed again and asked for peace and finally gave it all back over to HIM! I dressed and found my devotion book and found the perfect devotion and decided to put it in my blog along with my struggle for the day.
As I was pulling up my blog I saw that I had a few more emails and decided to check them. There it was...YOUR ADOPTION HAS BEEN APPROVED!...I started crying and yelling for everyone to come here. They all thought I had finally gone off the deep end, I think! But with tears of JOY I told them that we had indeed received our Christmas miracle and we all hugged and held on to each other!
We made lots of phone calls, emails, texts, and posted on facebook. You should have seen us all trying to post things and pics and everything!
Before we headed out for the day...I walked back into the office and looked at the devotion book still sitting there opened to the page I had chosen...I thanked God for our miracle...and for taking us on this long journey to our little guy. What a blessing we are getting from all of it...even the hard times. Elijah will know just how much he has been loved, even before he was conceived!
We are praying in about 5 weeks we will have our boy in our arms. That will be our biggest miracle of all!!
Now the devotion: "Endurance"
Let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith. Hebrews 12:1-2
You long to scream "ENOUGH!" and turn your back on everything, but you don't. At times like this, God raises your spiritual eyes to Jesus, the one who not only walks with you but has gone before you to the end. Trust Him to take you to the finish. There you will thank Him for making it possible for you to endure present hardship and reap the eternal reward of achieving His purpose for your life.
I just wanted to share this with anyone who would read it. I have faith and I trust in God but I have those moments when I wonder WHY? And Christmas morning as tough as it was...was something I needed to help me to remember that as I prayed I was not fully handing it all over. I am sure in the coming weeks I will deal with things as well and I pray that I will give it over and leave it!!

Have a blessed Lord's Day!
Tina